WASHINGTON -- In a rare private interview, President George Walker Hoover Bush said he had already began to be teary eyed about the two terms he served as president where he ruined the country.
“I met all of my goals as president,” a weepy Bush said. “All my life, I’ve set a very high bar for myself. Being an average student in prep school, being a sub-par student in college, having my daddy give me seed money to start up a fledgling, failing oil business and also buying the Texas Rangers baseball club. But I think I really have outdone myself this time, they way I completely ruined the country like that. I‘m going to miss this place.”
Within Bush’s two terms, America has been imprisoned thousands of foreign citizens illegally, launched a senseless war without provocation, seen its international standing bottom out and watched as its economy slowly whittled away to nothing.
But, Bush said, his proudest moment as president came during his incompetent handling of the Hurricane Katrina disaster.
“That was definitely the apex of my aims to end the American empire,” Bush said. “I showed the entire world that I did not care for my own citizenry as much as I did not care about the rest of the world.”
Bush said he most enjoyed watching graphic pictures of poor, African-Americans stranded on top of their rooftops for days at a time.
“That was the best example I can show of how I led an uncaring beauracracy and allowed it to destroy the lives of ordinary citizens,” Bush said. “Also, I really enjoyed the reports of child rape taking place in the New Orleans Superdome bathrooms.”
Bush said that after his tenure, he hopes to not write his memoirs and also plans on sitting on corporate boards of soon-to-be delisted publicly traded companies.