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Friday, June 20, 2008

Dirty Laundry

I go to a LOT of baseball games. I went to four Phils games this week alone, including one with The Sixth Borough's Pat Kelly.

I love The Phillies. I love Citizens Bank Park. I love The Schmitter. I love everything about the place, except for one thing.

That when Pat "The Bat" Burrell comes out bat, he comes out to Don Henley's "Dirty Laundry."

This wasn't always the case. As late as two years ago, Burrell came out to Dio's "Holy Diver." This is far from being an actual good song. However, Dio was the band fronted by Ronnie James Dio, who replaced Ozzy in Black Sabbath. He also allegedly invented the "Devil Horn" symbol that metal fans everywhere make.

That's a whole lot better than being a song on the first solo album from some asshole from The Eagles.

"Dirty Laundry" is so transcendently, fascinatingly bad.

Whenever I hear this song, I think this: It is 1983. Two couples -- fast moving, Wall St. types -- are out for a night on the town in New York's upper west side. They have a bite to eat at a hot fusion restaurant, then they have some gourmet wine at a nearby cocktail bar.

"Hey, I know what we can do next," says one of the guys, who is clad wearing a blazer and dress shirt unbuttoned to his mid-chest cavity. "Let's go onto my yacht, listen to some Don Henley, do some cocaine and have group sex!"

They all agree. They all listen to Henley, snort cocaine off of a man's erection, and then they have group sex.

Another funny thing about this song is it's "message." The song is about Henley's problems with commercial media.

Here are some of the lyrics.

We got the bubble-headed-bleach-blonde who
Comes on at five
She can tell you bout the plane crash with a gleam
In her eye
Its interesting when people die-
Give us dirty laundry

This leads me to wonder if Pat Burrell even knows what this song is about? Or is it a meta thing, since he was an embatteled member of the franchise for most of his career? Curious.

If I was a baseball player, I think I would come out to "Lemon" by U2. Just because.

-G

2 comments:

Badgerick Calais said...

zooropa is the hottest U2 album, and "Lemon" is definitely the inspiration for Coldplay's "Yellow". What a bunch of dickheads. ripping off lemon.

Storm in a Teacup said...

Nice use of the word meta.

However, I take exception at the use of the word asshole to describe Mr. Henley who is, according to The Walden Woods Project, one of the finest musicians alive today. He plays drums and sings you know.

I think it would be cool if somebody would come out accompanied by The Weather Girls' It's Raining Men, as sung by Ronnie James Dio. That would really make a statement.