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Saturday, July 26, 2008

Get to Know Philadelphia Neighborhoods: Manayunk

Getting To Know Manayunk
Manayunk is located in northwest Philadelphia. "The Yunk" as locals call it was at one time a former mill town turned into a bleak wasteland of American post-industrial waste. But today, thanks to gentrification and access to American Apparel, Manayunk is one of Philadelphia's most vibrant communities.

Main Street in Manayunk is one of Philadelphia's premier shopping destinations. There are not one but THREE stores where faded 60's relics sell overpriced beads in the name of freeing Tibet. Shoppers in Manayunk give visitors a chance to feel the sensation of the Cherry Hill Mall while enjoying the decaying smell from a filthy river located only feet away.

Do you like the Old City scene but can live without the overwhelming presence of rich Indian girls from UPenn? Then try Main Street, where it's always pledge week. It's a perfect place to wear a dirtied white "Cocks" baseball cap and a t-shirt tucked into khaki slacks. The Manayunk Brew Pub is a great restaurant featuring microbrews, excellent food and a chance to have a recent Villanova graduate to make lewd and threatening remarks to your wife.

Sadly, the premier spot in Manayunk's nightlife scene -- The Grape Street Pub -- is no longer with us. For years, the Grape Street was the premier place in the city to see the irritating go-teed philosophy major from your dorm play acoustic covers of Smashing Pumpkins songs.

Recreational Activities
A great place to commit a sex crime.

Manayunk offers its visitors a wide array of recreational activities. A popular spot for Yunkers and guests alike is the Manayunk Canal Tow Path. Located directly in the rear of restaurant loading docks, with limited lighting and overgrown shrubbery making you completely invisible to anyone who could possibly hear your screams, the Tow Path is a great place to enact upon your disturbing sexual-power issues.

Bike Race Weekend
It isn't the summer in Manayunk until Bike Race Weekend. The annual event attracts tens of thousands of people who line Manayunk's small, winding and incredibly hilly streets who pretend to watch professional bicyclists. The race starts at 9 but public drinking starts at 6 a.m., making the bike race course a likely spot to see a shirtless man pounding a Lager while grilling bacon. It's a great chance to play beer pong with slutty teenagers or to hear lifelong 'Yunk residents drunkenly recount, play-by-play, the Roman Catholic vs. Cardinal Dougherty Catholic League girls basketball finals from 1982. It is truly one of the best civic events in the history of planet earth.

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