Yes, Madame Speaker. Oh, god, yes Madame Speaker
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is arguably the most powerful woman alive. And, tonight at the Free Library of Philadelphia, I totally hit on her.
Pelosi was in town to sell and plug her book entitled "Know Your Power," which is an inspirational message to the daughters of the world. She spoke for an hour about the importance of motherhood, some discussion of politics (heavy on spin, naturally) and things of that nature.
Afterwards, she was signing copies of her book. On my way into see her speak, I managed to actually steal a book from a desk in the library.
I waited in line for about ten minutes. First, some person involved in the proceedings asked me who I wanted the book made out to. I answered "Future Mother." The lady flinched, so I explained to her how my wife was pregnant (not true, thank god) and I called her that as a pet name. This was written down on a post-it note.
Later, another person with the same duty inquired about Future Mother. I explained to him it was for my cousin who was three months pregnant.
I was chatting with the girl ahead of me in line. She writes for OP ED NEWS and had some questions to ask Pelosi about intelligence/war related issues. She lasted about ten seconds before she was pushed out.
Finally, it was my turn! I was finally going to have the chance to meet the person third in line for the presidency!
So, she began signing my book. She flinched at the name "Future Mother."
I explained to her my half-sister was pregnant and it was a nickname we had for her. She asked me her name, I said Ilana (my wife's name) and she signed my book Future Mother Ilana.
When she was signing my book, I told her "Madame Speaker, I found your message of the importance of motherhood completely inspiring. I'll never know what motherhood will actually be like, but I still found it inspirational." She looked baffled but slightly entertained.
Then, I said...
"Before I go, Madame Speaker, I just have to tell you... you look SO good in person. You're absolutely beautiful."
Pelosi, along with the rest of the room, started laughing. Then the Speaker of the House grabbed my right hand with both of hers and started CARESSING the top of my hand.
"What's your name?"
"Thank you for coming out tonight, Gregg. I'm thrilled to have met you."
I then sheepishly left the room.
Honestly, in person, Pelosi's pretty MILFy. She's 68 years old and looks really good in a cream-colored pantsuit.
This was one of the proudest moments of my life -- hitting on the Speaker of the House and having her enjoy the compliment.